Another Day...Another Worry

I swear, I will never be normal. I am just a problem child to the core. I went to see my family doctor today because of some discomforts and concerns I have been having in the recent past. What, you ask? Alright, stop begging, I will tell you. It seems lately that I tire very easily with very minimal exertion. My heart will pound, my head will spin, I will be short of breath, and I will get unusually hot.

I take a medication referred to as a beta blocker. This is for a fast heart rate and palpitations. And while it works quite well for that, it also makes me quite tired and now may be causing this shortness of breath as it can bring about exercise induced asthma.

My doctor believes this is the problem, the medication that is. But to eliminate any possibility of heart problems because of my family history (my father had open heart surgery in his 30s), I have to take what is called a Stress Echocardiogram Test on Tuesday. This basically has me freaking out especially since I cannot take my medication that morning before the test and I have to go alone. From what I understand, I will be hooked up to machines that can monitor my heart in several ways. Then I will have to run on a treadmill for about 20 minutes as it progressively gets more difficult. This is pretty much how I imagine hell to be.

If the test comes back normal – please cross your fingers – then my doctor wants to switch my medication. No big deal you may be thinking. Well, for me, it is. It is extremely difficult for me to take a new prescription. I have great anxiety every time I have to do it. But in this case it is even worse. The possible side effects can actually be very serious. And the new medication could make my problem worse instead of better. I will also have to go through several weeks of adjustments trying to find the right dosage.

Needless to say, I am a nervous wreck. I am so afraid. And not just of one outcome, I fear all the possible outcomes!! I fear that damn test from hell. I fear being there alone and having a heart attack right there on the treadmill. I fear them finding a serious heart problem. I fear having some horrible asthma attack because my big butt cannot run for more than a minute – if that. I fear having to change medications. I fear I will never ever again feel healthy, happy, and normal.

I just need someone to put their arms around me and assure me that all will be fine. Assure me that my heart is young, healthy, and strong. Assure me that I will live until I am 100. Assure me that this will only improve my life and I will live happily ever after. Can you do that for me? Can anyone out there do that for me? Am I really asking so much?

Anyway. I am done bitching…for now.